Aaahhh networking. The schmooze fest. Some people love it, other people hate it. Generally speaking, I tend to think that I would prefer to interface with a computer monitor or at least with a human on the other side of my camera over the excruciating experience of chatting with another human being about my business. And yet, today at a small business networking conference hosted by the Seattle Chamber of Commerce, I found that I was enjoying myself. I mean really enjoying myself. I have been to lots of Chamber events in the past and found that people would often look at my name tag title and company to decide whether they wanted to talk to me or not. When I worked for a particular car rental company, most often the answer was indicated to me by the following process 1) the quick and greedy glance at my name tag 2) the nanosecond of “she can’t do anything for me,” the 3) feigned “see someone across the room” wave and finally, 4) the ever popular, “walk across the room to where the food is” move. My stomach would churn every time my boss sent me to one of these events. They are so often superficial, gratuitously self-promoting not to mention just plain old boring. Not helping matters, years ago, I made it a policy never to drink at a business event so I couldn’t even sit in the corner getting hammered like the other introverts whose bosses attempted to force them to interact with “leads,” “contacts” and non-personal nouns living in the various stages of their business pipeline. These events turn my stomach because they are by design inauthentic, contrived and approached by many with a selfish attitude—how can I get you as a customer, how can I use you, how can I leverage this contact into something better for myself.
Today was different. I don’t know if it was the change in geography, the fact that I’m a photographer now and people think that is cool or that I really REALLY care about my business compared to how I felt about the old rental wheels company, but today felt unlike any networking event I have attended. Not only did I enjoy myself, but also I had several genuine interactions with people with whom I plan to keep in touch. Do I know whether they will end up to be clients, friends or people that I can help out? Who knows? And actually, I don’t even care. If someone wants to keep in touch, isn’t that, in and of itself, pretty valuable? Aren’t genuine human connections enough?
During the conference, the Seattle Freeze was mentioned. I don’t know if you are aware of this, but Seattle is known for being a city full of very polite people who are none-the-less difficult to get to know. Yet, my experience here has been quite the opposite. Maybe I’m just THAT cool, you know, that they overcome their natural frigid tendencies, but I don’t think so. I think it is about your intentions and your approach. Ever try to have an instant relationship with a young child you have just met? In my eight years of experience as an elementary school teacher, I have found that it doesn’t work with many of them. You seem like a scary clown trying too hard. Have you tried smiling openly but letting them come to you? Works every time! Kids know who is receptive but safe because the body language says, “I will wait here until you are comfortable…no rush! I’m not in a hurry but I want to know you better!” But start with a nice open smile. And MEAN it! It doesn’t work if it is forced in any way. When I smile kindly, I find that most people so willingly engage in a conversation about any topic, smile, connect, exchange information that I am regularly having to redefine how I feel about networking. It is really no different than making friends. In fact, that is all you are doing. You are making friends with no obligation. Would you want to make friends with someone that you knew would be hard selling you on the phone tomorrow? Hell no. That’s just awkward. Don’t sell. Just get to know. Be helpful. Send them little snippets and tips. Don’t charge for it. Wait for them to come to you. If they never do, so what? Doesn’t it feel good to help?
So today I chatted with a very nice lactose-intolerant urban planner who involved me in her quest for non-dairy creamer. We gave each other big grins and thumbs up when she was finally able to drink her coffee. That’s all. I have her business card, she has mine but we didn’t try to sell each other and most importantly, we didn’t ignore each other because it is not yet apparent what we may offer each other, if anything beyond the shared enthusiasm for creamed coffee for all. Later, I had a fascinating conversation with an Economic Development Specialist for the Seattle Chinatown International District Preservation and Development authority named Nic about the challenges of working in the his field in Chinatown. He mentioned that the Wing Luke Museum relocation project was interesting because the original partners in the building to which the Museum would eventually relocate had passed down their share of the building to so many heirs that there were now many, many owners of the building. The challenge they faced and overcame was to get all of those owners together and agree on a plan of action. Later we discussed cameras and how he is planning to buy a DSLR and wanted some advice. I wrote down some suggestions, along with some places to get good prices. He offered to help me with some translations for a Chinese client of mine who has some ideas he needs expressed eloquently in English. He gave me some invaluable information about how much of the language is based in analogy and history and that really understanding Chinese requires intense study of Chinese history. I asked him if he felt like my business would be a good fit for shop owners in the International District and he felt that it would be. I asked him specifically to keep me in mind if he comes across anyone who might need some product or event photography. He said that he absolutely would and wanted to make sure we keep in touch. This interaction went a bit further because we clicked and could already see where we might help each other out. Again, no selling, just offers of mutual help. I even offered to show him use his new camera. Why? Because he was enthusiastic about learning photography and I would enjoy teaching someone to learn to do something they will love.
Then Nic and I watched the panel talk about how Social Networking works best when you are giving. About how social networking at its most effective is about a conversation you are having with your clients and potential customers. A conversation. I’ll say it again. A conversation. Not you talking about your business until they hide you or unfollow you. A conversation. About what matters to THEM. And that conversation doesn’t always have to be about your business. In fact, it shouldn’t be. How can you have a real life, honest to goodness relationship with your clients? Let’s say you sell baby shoes. Can you also recommend a cool baby sock company? Can you offer general parenting tips that will appeal to the types of parents who buy your baby shoes? How about providing them with cool places to take their babies to have new experiences? Sure, throw in some pictures of babies enjoying that experience in your shoes. That’s fine, but don’t make a big deal out of it. Just use some good photography to show that. Let them see it. That’s all you have to do. Don’t draw a big arrow on the picture pointing to the shoes. They’ll notice on their own. When it comes down to the moment when they are going to get baby shoes, do you think they will take a look at your product line if they have found your posts and Tweets helpful? If you offer your customers and prospects something they can use and like for free, will they get the idea that you care about them? (Hint: three letter affirmative) Do people tend to like people more that they know care about them? (Hint: the answer is yes, according to scientific studies) Are your customers more willing to buy from you if they like you? If you think no, well, shoot. You are probably not all that likeable. Sorry, but it is true. It sometimes takes a likeable person to recognize the advantages that being likeable offers. I’ll even pay a company or person I like a lot more money for the same product or service. I like to support people I like, financially and otherwise. Lots of people worry that Twitter and Facebook actually hinder human relationships and I suppose they can, if you use them to avoid the two-way conversation or use them to avoid face-to-face interaction. In my personal experience, I have added at least ten people from the abstract, Tron-like world of Facebook to my real life meatspace. These are people I clicked with online, developed a friendship with online, then met in real-life. What follows are some examples of how my social networking relationships have blossomed beyond “friending.” 1) I connected with an artist on Facebook and after a few weeks we met for breakfast. Ultimately we ended up being good friends who took little Colorado trips together throughout the summer before I moved to Seattle. 2) Another friend I met on Facebook, invited to a party and still talk to at least once per week. 3) I met another good friend here in Seattle on the Facebook wall of a guy who lived down the block from me in Colorado. That was great because I had a friend here before I even moved to the area. 4) I found a friend on LinkedIn and ended up hiring him as my business consultant. 5) Ultimately, the most important connection I have made on Facebook turns out to be the reason I moved to Seattle. My high school boyfriend and I reconnected and after a year of dating long distance, decided to be together in the same city. In other words, I have had some profound experiences in the real social world because of a conversation that was opened on a social network. These are people with whom I would have lost contact with completely or never would have known in the first place without social networking. The same goes for business. My sister sells many of her little felted marvels through ww.fickleshop.com to people who heard about her through Facebook friends who “liked” her page or were specifically referred by their friends to her Facebook “like” page (Should we call them pages formerly known as fan pages? No one knows how to describe those pages anymore.). Some of these people start out as strangers but wind up being her real life friends, repeat customers and passionate brand zealots. Others are family members or friends who, if not for Facebook, would have no idea what Amanda was up to and that she could immortalize their beloved pet in the form of felt. Friends of friends and long lost family/friends account for the majority of her business.
While networking 2.0 does include lots of social networking, even face-to-face networking is not about getting together to spew your elevator pitch these days. In fact, it really never was. Like web 2.0, it is about sharing, helping and making a genuine human connection with no concern for whether it turns into business later. That’s almost caveman-like in its simplicity. My apologies to those who have recently found out they have snippets of Neanderthal DNA code sitting in their cells (http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1987568,00.html). And yes, you share for free. It is for the common good. Think of these connections as open-source relationships: transparent—not rigged with ulterior motives, friendly, helpful and focused on listening. What do they need? What can you offer? Maybe nothing in that moment. That’s okay. But a week later, what if you are looking at a comment thread on a LinkedIn group later that reminds you of them? Send them an email! Include the info with no strings attached. “Saw this and thought it could be a great way to get some national press for your business!” What if you see an event that could help someone you know get new business? Forward the information with a suggestion of why you thought of them when you saw it. And don’t even bother to mention your business. In fact, don’t even think about whether this connection will lead to business. It doesn’t matter. It is about being human, connecting with other humans and compassionately offering them something they may need. Will it turn into business? All I know is this: when someone helps me out, I want to return the favor. Many, MANY times, that means I help them with something they need for free. Other times, it means I purchase from them with fierce loyalty, send others to their business and publicly praise their work. So does it work? Again. It doesn’t matter. Just do it with no expectations. Period. Just do it. If that’s easy for you, GOOD! You probably already get a lot out of networking OR are relieved to hear that you can just be your wonderful self and not try to sell anything. The rest of you: Stop thinking about where it will lead. I said stop. I’m going to slap you now. Just kidding. I’m here to help.
