Denis Johnson's Cop Car
Denis and Cindy Johnson picked me up from the Phoenix Airport on Wednesday in their Chevy Caprice, an Austin Police Department cop car their son Dan bought for them at a cop car auction on Ebay. Denis, who won the 2007 National Book Award, told me that while he and Cindy hurtled down a long, lonely highway somewhere between Austin and Scottsdale at 95 miles an hour, they passed a real cop with his radar gun out and aimed, who only waved at them cheerfully as they flew past.
As Denis drove, Cindy showed me the car’s more interesting features, the plastic shotgun holster oddly tacked onto the front of the glove box, the searchlight mounted to the windshield on the driver’s side, so that the cop could search out addresses in the dark.
We decided to stop off for dinner. Cindy suggested an Italian place, but we deemed it too fancy for our attire, as none of us were even wearing socks.
“How about Chipotle?” Denis suggested. He was clearly delighted when we agreed, as he had only discovered the chain two days before and had been dreaming of giant burritos ever since.
At the counter, Denis tried to order an horchata, to go with his dinner, but the blonde cashier didn’t know what an horchata was.
“It’s a drink,” Denis explained. “It’s Mexican.”
As we sat down to eat, I felt sheepishly compelled to reveal that Chipotle used to be owned by McDonald’s. “But if they would only find out about horchata, they could conquer the world.”
Afterwards we headed next door for coffee and gelato. I began spontaneously doing cheerleader moves as I told Denis how much I love his new noir thriller NOBODY MOVE, first serially published by Playboy, now published by Farrar, Straus & Giroux. And it’s true. The dark and funny tale has me in it’s grip. I read it (over and over) and it won’t let me love another book.
As we walked back across the parking lot, we saw that two real cop cars had parked next to the Chevy Caprice.
This made Denis very happy.
So, it’s a (drum roll, please) get-out-of-jail-free car.
P.S. I’m gonna buy that book.
I’ve got a friend who drives a Ford LTD custom police cruiser, for the same reason… the stealth cop look.
He got it brand new when the Dallas police downsized a fleet contract, and has kept it mint.
It’s a horrible gas hog, but in other ways it’s what all cars should be, to wit, made to last. The car has an extra-large battery, braided stainless steel radiator hoses, big shocks, big brakes. A lot of planned obsolescence has been omitted from the design of good police cars.
And its interior is unglamorous but fiercely durable, with heavy rubber floor and interior liner, thick vinyl seat covers… a space made to be kicked, banged and puked uopn and clean right up for more. In other words, a truly serviceable car. It’s going to hold up forever, like an old Checker cab.
Build me a Nissan Sentra police cruiser and I’m a buyer.
“It’s got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it’s got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?”